Farewell Letter To Flora Fischbach [English Version]

*********, France, 14 May 2022


If only you could see how my hands are currently shaking… “Qui l’un pour l’autre est la menace?” I solely wanted to tell you that it’s time. Time for me to leave you behind, to renounce forever talking about you all the time, going to your concerts, writing about you in this blog, reacting to any of your posts on Facebook and Instagram, sending you apologies’ private messages, systematically mentioning and tagging you in social networks, even if all of this remain currently quite ‘innocent’ (I have my “Super Fan” badge on Facebook). I cannot anymore. I have to do it if I want to cure and, probably, in the same time, deliver you from an anxiety considering the past. I need to get out of this obsessional spiral I am trapped in and you are the center of. I butchered my two last attempts of sentimental relationship by discoursing on you and on how I was your insane stalker between 2017 and 2019. People are scared of me because of my passion for you and your music. Seeing you on stage again could have the effect of a LSD dosis (something fatal for bipolar-disordered people). I could start harassing you severely again (morally or even more) and only God knows how far it may go and bad it may end. I have to go where other skies extend — the thousand suns and thunderbolts of yours being too much for someone having the bipolar disorders I have. It’s hard, you know, but I have no choice anymore. I swear to you I will do it in this way, I will cope. And I will listen to your music again and again, I will never forget you, never forget how deeply I loved you this time I heard you from the outside vocalizing in a church, I will keep you just like Camila, the big love of my past life, as a gemstone hidden in the nooks of my heart and of my soul.



Post-Scriptum: I’m going out for a cigarette in the courtyard of the clinic. I’m listening to “Y crois-tu?” on headphones, very loud. I’m holding back my tears. “Je me surveille.”

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