I Will…

I will make it. I will make it right. I will dominate the disease. I’ve been stable now for weeks and I know it’s feasible to stand, to stay on the edge between the A side and the B side. I will not be bipolar anymore. Maybe it won’t be easy, maybe it will be rough, but I will struggle and I will win. I won’t fall into the trap again; I won’t turn manic. When I exit the clinic I will achieve my goal of running 50 km alone — I’m training every day and I’ve already designed the route. I will assist the Suede’s concert in Paris in April. I will work again. I will be able to progressively lower antidepressants. I will love Sylvestre and I will support her and maybe we will spend our life together. I will find my friends again and/or I will make new ones. One day for sure I will die but I won’t suicide because of my bipolar disorder. I will learn from the past and I won’t fear future all the time. I will even dominate my bipolar disorders’ comorbidities (see them enounced here)…

“Let’s hope I will not like the forthcoming Fishbach record?” I wrote at the end of my 7 January’s post (“From Dog–Man Underwater To Stars In An Eyelash: The Logic–Magic of Bipolar Disorder”). She did it. She heard me from the past. With Avec les yeux, she delivered the most awful opus I could imagine. I hate her and in the same time I love her because by choosing straying onto all but what I was artistically expecting she has prevented mania invasion in me. Will I go and assist her concert at the end of April in Rouen? If I don’t succeed in selling on the black market the tickets I bought months ago, probably — standing at the bar and waiting for new interpretations of the songs from her previous album À ta merci… But I don’t need any Goddess anymore. God is in the stars. God is in the sky. God is in the music. God is in me.

(…) I will remain insane anyway.

2 thoughts on “I Will…

  1. Sounds like a good plan! C’est très agréable de te lire dernièrement. Tu as toujours bien écrit, c’est vrai mais tu n’as pas toujours été facile à suivre. To say the least. Et en plus, on se faisait du souci. Bon entraînement. Bises Catherine

    Liked by 1 person

  2. “mais tu n’as pas toujours été facile à suivre”: voilà une remarque qui m’intéresse. Pourrais-tu m’en dire plus? Fais-tu éventuellement référence à mes blogs passés ou uniquement à Bipolaroid? Cela concerne-t-il plus l’anglais que le français? (pour info, si j’écris parfois en anglais ce n’est pas pour faire style mais parce que c’est un exercice qui me permet de ralentir mon cerveau, de contrôler ma tachypsychie). Les termes psychiatriques sont-ils insuffisamment explicités (auquel cas, par paresse, je renverrais le lecteur vers la page “Info et contact” et aux liens externes qui y figurent…LOL). Mes troubles psychiques m’handicaperaient-ils pour écrire clairement?… Merci d’avance pour ta réponse.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s